A time to be negative...??

26/9/2011

For the last week, I have been going back and forth on the topic of the next blog. To be honest, the past week has not exactly been a time when I was 'living in the vortex'. Not many happy and inspired moments.

So what was the reason?

I cant think of anything in particular. I still had my clients, did some social interaction, read articles, spent time with family... no particular event that would trigger this sinking feeling I was dealing with.

As a yoga trainer and a Life Coach, I am seen as someone who carries and maintains a certain level of positive vibe during the sessions. So when I have my moments like this, what do I do?

I am a part of many online forums and groups, I have a circle of friends but what I realized was that all of these people (who are LOA savvy) only talked about good things and display constant high energy. I really didn't feel like being the one who stood out like a sore thumb, talking about how 'bad' I feel and how stressed I am, etc etc.

'Its just a bad day, just deal with it', I said to myself.

I know what you might think but at a time when I was in doubt and feeling down, I had no inclination to interact with this group. It was too much positivity for me!

In retrospect, I realize that it was my limiting belief about bringing the group vibe down and not the group's attitude.

That got me thinking, we all have are circles and support groups, but does all the constant display of happiness become the very reason you stay away? Do a lot more people feel obligated to 'maintain' a certain vibe that is line with the majority of the group? Do more of us not dare discuss topics which are 'too simple'?

What about with our close friends? I know I have in the past not being completely honest to my closet pals (because I felt I didn't want to burden them). And I have had certain friends not talk about their feelings during the period of struggle.

I had a group call last Friday and it was a life saver! It started off as the ideal call, everyone happy, good news all around, everything was too prefect. Until one of the participants shared how she had been worrying about a few changes she is dealing with.

You wouldnt believe the chain reaction - four more 'came forward' and talked about similar struggles. WHAT?! Just 2 minutes ago this group was perfect and now this??!

The issues were 'simple' - fluctuations in income, being worried about next steps, lack of inspiration, the future...etc. The call was fabulous - not because people were struggling, because it felt like a honest conversation.

A lot of times, we go through everyday struggles feeling as if we are the only ones feeling down. We might feel that we should not bring others down with us or we don't want to be the negative person in the group.

I realize that support groups, close friends, coaches are there to give you a outside perspective. Its not called being negative if you ask for input to deal with a struggle. And what good is a defunct system?!

And the sooner you deal with your boo-hoo feelings, the sooner you will get your stride back. So that's what I am going to do, be honest and truthful about my feelings with the people who care about me.

Do you have the same experience? If so, what are you going to change your approach.

16 Comments

Nikky Dhillon

26/9/2011 01:13:49 am

Hey Ruby,

I too have had low vibying days many times. And i just get my self out of it by a number of ways -
1) Venting to friends( P, u, Sim) or T
2) Self talk reminding myself to feel just a little better
3) Listening to Abe
4) Sulking for a while and then when I have had enough going into a rampage of appreciation for all things good in my life....that definately lifts the gloom
5) Sleeping over it
6) Icecream too helps...lol
And yes usually I dont jump right into a group of positive vibeing folks because thats too big a jump for me.
I like your post......its real and honest and yet uplifting...ALL IS WELL
Talk to u soon.

Caroline link

26/9/2011 02:04:14 am

I always keep in mind, there are two classes of complainers, one class who vent what they are feeling in the hopes to feel better through a conversation and the second who complain because they love to complain and they're hoping you join them in their misery (misery loves company). I hope to remain a 'first class' whiner (lol) and that's what coaches are for, to help turn the first class complainers into people who see their current contrast as a reveal of what they really want instead of joining them. That's why a good friend or family member most often is not as effective as a coach, the friend has an emotional attachment to the situation and the coach deliberately remains focused on the bigger picture to assist a change in perspective. The coach needs a coach too!

Ruby

26/9/2011 03:12:51 am

Nikky - Yes my friend, m with you on getting the sulk on with ice cream, sometimes that's what is needed. I miss our cuppa chai :)

26/9/2011 03:14:14 am

Caroline - me like the term first class whiner. And its so good to have you in our coach calls - Coach needs coach! :)

Paulette Dorsey link

26/9/2011 04:06:28 am

As a former worrier, this discovery has changed my life because it finally gave me the answers I had been searching for. I was almost in tears when I heard that I was just using the wrong Law of Attraction recipe, http://www.beAbundant.info

Lori

26/9/2011 05:58:36 pm

Hi Ruby,

I love this post for its honesty and for ultimately what it made me think about:

1) I knew you prior to you becoming an "official" life coach and yet you were very much one in my life... I recognize some people may call it a friend but somehow how our friendship was different or unique from others I have had with someone I have met as a coworker first. Yet, upon learning of your new path and role in many people's lives I felt the need to filter some of my thoughts/feelings in an effort to hide or keep unexposed as if you would discover I too didn't have it all together. This post reminds me that you as well as all of us are human and it is the times that we do feel negative feelings that often catapult us to our next accomplishment, feelings of balance, and satisfaction.

2) it makes me think of times I have decided not to call one of my best confidants for fear of allowing negative energy to enter her world or just the world for that matter. I have struggled with the idea of wanting to discuss things that could come across as negative or complaining as I don't want to be one that adds negativity to anyone's life. Yet, I have realized when I do this I don't move past the feelings fast enough and end up exuding that energy any way.

3) I am certainly not a coach and don't have the same frame of reference as you and some of your peer coaches but I wonder, "what makes something negative any way." if something positive comes of it, then can it still be considered negative?" I ask this at a basic level and not in reference to any negative behavior that would ultimately hurt someone.

4) lastly, it is one more reminder of what I miss about seeing you... Your honesty is refreshing and very much needed in this world.

Thank you for posting this and asking for our thoughts.

To your peer coach who mentioned "revealing". Can you elaborate? I'm interested in knowing more of what you are referring to.

26/9/2011 06:24:11 pm

Thank you Lori for your words, it is always a nice thing to be validated for one's work but more so knowing that we have a uplifting support system between us.

You are correct, there is nothing 'negative'. In LOA lingo, we refer to it as contrast. And contrast is a good thing as it reveals to you want you really want. So every hurdle, obstacle, upsetting emotions are a way for the universe to let you know when you are not in the 'vortex'. And the trick is to then follow your inner guidance to a situation that you want. EVERYTHING is under your control.

And not discussing my feelings and getting the input that I needed was the reason I stayed with that sinking feeling longer than needed. Which is why we know that everyone needs a coach, even a coach!

Carolyn link

27/9/2011 01:14:54 am

Its that old BT slogan - "its good to talk" - I have a tendency to bottle stuff up. I'm a natural listener rather than speaker (not bad traits in a coach).

But we do all need an outlet for it - perhaps that's why so many of us blog.

Its also why supervision is important.

http://reflectionscoachingblog.wordpress.com/

27/9/2011 01:21:34 am

Carolyn, welcome, nice to hear from you.

You are right, for me my blog is a outlet to speak my mind and put out there what I am thinking about from week to week.

Vincent Genna, MSW link

28/9/2011 04:20:45 am

Ruby,

Whether we are in human form or not, we were created with the ability to experience ALL emotions. "We were created in the image of God." Therefore, ALL of our emotions are good, though not all of our emotions feel good. Therefore, it is good to experience all of our emotions, one time or another.

Getting in a funky state is ok! As a past psychotherapist, I can tell you that people do not trust their emotions. They are afraid to feel them. Thus, you also wind up judging others when they feel theirs. Sometimes we just feel bad! There could be several reasons why we do, without any situational cause.

Sometimes, the planetary aspects affect us, just like the “Full Moon” syndrome, which is why using Astrology at times is very useful. Sometimes our internal mechanisms are working on something beneath the surface. Maybe there is a minor illness coming on that our bodies are defending against. Maybe some of the negatives in the world are rubbing off. Especially when you are in the helping fields, such as being a Life Coach, you can feel Compassion Fatigue without even knowing it. You can easily wake up one morning feeling like you’re in a funk. That is why using self-awareness and Mindfulness techniques are very important to practitioners.

The bottom line is, we need to give ourselves permission to feel whatever emotions come up. That is one of the ways we release and heal those emotions. Then we need to be aware of them because if they are persistent, then there is some issue going on that needs better attention.

We fear our emotions, especially in the Spiritual realm, because we then think we are not strong or evolved enough. I don’t know who cam up with this understanding, but recognizing or being aware of your lower, negative feelings does NOT create more negative and put “bad” vibes out into the Universe. NOT admitting them and denying them puts out bad vibes! We have gotten the wrong messages by thinking it is bad to have bad feelings. I don’t want to even discuss that the Dali Lama walks in pure joy every moment. Excuse my Yankee slang, but that is just pure bull shit! If he is as evolved as everyone claims he is, then he feels like shit some days, too!

The difference he, he may know how to allow himself to feel it and then reinforce his good feelings and then move on. Since we do not accept our own bad feelings, we don’t accept when others feel theirs. SO, Ruby, you are right! We don’t have anyone to turn to even in our Spiritual communities because feeling crappy is a “taboo.”

Here’s the point, if we cannot accept that life just shits sometimes and we are going to have some crappy days, then we cannot do anything about what is shitty about life. You have to be aware of the problem in order to fix or heal the problem, and that starts within you. There is so much that is going on in the world today that is NOT good, it is causing a rumbling. And we as physical beings here are going to feel that rumbling. We as spiritual beings, especially if we are caring, sensitive, evolved beings, even begin to feel the rumbling within us. Our own negatives will rise to the surface as a result, which is why we need to pay attention to our feelings to see if they persist. THE ONLY WAY TO EVOLVE IS TO EXPERIENCE A NEGATIVE IN ORDER TO CHANGE IT INTO A POSITIVE. WE DON’T EVOLVE BY SITTING THERE FEELING GOOD ALL THE TIME! THAT’S CALLED BEING DEAD!

Bottom line, we need to be able to feel, share, and vent ALL our feelings. That is what keeps us connected as one! And so it is! Infinite love and gratitude to all. Namaste!

29/9/2011 12:44:49 am

Thank you Vincent for that insight! I do agree we need to evolve and expand in order to experience as much as we can.

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10/12/2013 02:56:22 pm

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A time to be negative...??

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