The two sides of the same coin and both stem from deep rooted insecurities.
Folks that are insecure doubt the value of their skills and what they have to offer. They are plagued with uncertainty, feelings of inadequacy and harbor low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
When faced with such feelings these individuals generally use the two easy ways out. Either become aggressive or become submissive.
Let’s look at the traits of someone who is aggressive: constant attack mode, exaggerates strengths, never concedes, hides weakness or doesn't acknowledge them, has an exaggerate sense of self.
On the other hand, a submissive person looks something like this: allows for everyone’s needs first, exaggerates their weakness or even creates ones that don’t exist, constantly downplay strengths, and down plays their contributions.
Now I know everyone has insecurities, and we all deal with our little monsters.
I have had to use some of my coaching tools recently to realign my thoughts towards a few people who have been causing the ‘not so joyous’ experiences in my life.
So there I was using Emotional scale and journaling to figure out where I stood with each of these people and what were my prominent thoughts. During introspection, I found myself listing what I supposed were reasons why they behave the way they do. I wrote, observed in silence, and worked through reasons why I felt like I did.
The pattern that emerged was one of me either becoming aggressive or submissive in those situations. And all of those reactions were triggered because each of these people would touch upon an existing insecurity. And it was easy for me to make the situation about what I presume is lacking in me.
A well timed reminder, I suppose. When people use aggression or behave submissive towards you, it’s not because of something you've done or something you lack. Beating yourself down or staring away from your chosen path as a result, will not lead you to something good. It’s never about you.
It’s always about them dealing with their monsters. Aggression and Submission are two sides to the same coin and it’s an easy currency for insecure people.