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7 Steps to create Personal Boundaries

10/12/2014

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To set boundaries means 1) to know what your limits are and 2) conveying those limits to the people you interact with.

Boundaries can be physical, emotional or mental. And each play a very important role in your overall well-being and health.

For most people knowing their limits can be an easy discovery but its the conveying to others that requires follow through.
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We have to set boundaries at home, with family, at work, with acquaintances, pretty much with all interactions.

We all have reasons to set them and each of us would define our limits differently.

Here's my personal experience in the recent past: 

Last week, I was on a conference call with my colleagues, during the call my posts on LinkedIn became a facetiously talking point. It was mostly harmless until after the call, one of my colleagues started with ridiculing comments about my passion, my writing and my work. (We aren't connected on LinkedIn, so I am sure they haven't read a single post I have written.)
First thing I did was to take a Deep breath, and Stayed Calm. With the best professional voice I could muster I asked the person not to discuss my private life at the work place and I did not engage further.
A little extreme? Not really.

For me define that boundary with this person was an important step in ensuring they know that I am not comfortable with them discussing me or my choices. I would rather not have them use my life as a topic for a coffee conversation. 
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With that said here are the 7 Steps to set boundaries:


  1. Know and understand your boundaries: Ask yourself, what wont you tolerate in your life? What makes you uncomfortable? 
  2. Become more self aware and know your trigger points: This will allow you to take control of the situation sooner.
  3. Define your boundaries out loud to yourself: Practice, out loud. This will reinforce what you intend for yourself.
  4. Let go of the guilt: Learn to be OK with setting boundaries and the fact that you will say 'No' to something or someone
  5. Start small: Practice setting boundaries with people you trust
  6. Practice Check-In's: Do regular check-in's with your trusted folks and practice setting some more boundaries with them ensuring that they dont cross the line
  7. Engage others: Start setting boundaries with others. Be assertive and remind people about your boundaries every time that boundary gets crossed

Setting boundaries is an act of courage. It takes practices and support. Here's hoping you are successful.
Activity: 
Start today by setting one boundary for the week.
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